How to talk to a non-HSP Partner about your Sensitivity

In my work with HSP adults, one of the biggest challenges that comes up is having a non-HSP partner who has difficulty understanding the experience of being Highly Sensitive.  Of course, there are many benefits to an HSP/non-HSP pairing - my husband is not an HSP and I am (usually) so grateful for his objectivity, ability to set healthy boundaries, and general steadiness!  Those of you with HSP/HSP partner pairings can likely also name both benefits and drawbacks of having two sensitive partners navigating life together.

When an HSP feels misunderstood - or worse, judged - by their partner for their sensitivity, however, some problems can arise.  Being an HSP is not a weakness or a flaw.  It is something to be celebrated for its benefits (empathy, awareness, intentionality, etc) while accommodating some of the challenges that can arise, such as being easily overstimulated or experiencing compassion fatigue.

One way that we can help our non-HSP partners better understand and support us is to simply educate them on the HSP trait.  I encourage you to send along this blog, and/or any of the blogs below, that resonate with you.  Let them spark a discussion between you and your partner about how you experience the world!  Here are a few basics about being an HSP:

What is HSP/High Sensitivity and how do I know if I'm an HSP?

Top 3 Challenges for Highly Sensitive Parents

How do I know if I am a Highly Sensitive (HSP) Parent?

Of course, we all experience the HSP trait in unique ways, so these are simply a jumping off point for further reflection and discussion!  You might find that your gender, cultural norms, or personality has impacted your experience of being an HSP, or how other people perceive that trait in you.  Bringing this up in conversation with your partner or loved one can be helpful.  For example, you could say “In my family growing up, I was told to ‘stop crying’ and ‘quit being so sensitive.’  But I’ve come to realize that my sensitivity also offers many benefits - I love fully, and think deeply about our life together and what’s important to me.  When I cry, it actually helps me release my emotions in a positive way.  I’d love for you to help me continue to accept who I am while supporting me when things feel tough.”  This is just one example of how you could begin to talk with a non-HSP partner about your sensitivity, depending on what that looks like for you.

Because this is such a common challenge for HSPs, I’ve dedicated an entire module of my Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course to “Helping Partners and Support People Understand Your HSP Trait!”  In that Module, you’ll find a 4-page handout that you can simply print off or email to your non-HSP partner or loved ones, which pretty much does the work for you!  In the video portion of that module, I also speak in depth about both HSP/HSP and HSP/non-HSP relationships, and share some practical tips to start the conversation with people in constructive yet loving ways.

You can learn more about the Highly Sensitive Parenthood Course by clicking the button below.  If you have any questions, feel free to send me an email or comment below, and we’ll chat!